Hate It

I know I shouldn't blogging now and I should studying for my Security subject now, but I just want to complain awhile here.

Yesterday a friend of mine asked me to do her a favour to attend the talk that organized by their group, but since there are so many things to do and I don't think I can handle my time wisely, I rejected to help her.  I am sorry about that.  I know this is a selfish attitude but I don't want myself of regretting on what I have done.  I am not like the others study in last minute can remember everything or can remember everything when others tell story on the subject.  I'M NOT!

I know what is my condition and I believe my choice isn't a wrong one.  The moment I rejected, I know that my action is so selfish that my friend needs help but I didn't lend out my hand to help her.  If you think I'm selfish and wanted to hate me for that, please do so, I don't mind.  Because I didn't help.  

Some how there is a girl, saying that I didn't care for a friend.  She said I didn't make friends in first position.  (tidak pentingkan kawan)  When I explained that I want to study for my mid-term, she said I only memorized on the number of the slides.  Oh well well...

Today is already Sunday, you think you got much time for that, but I don't think I have, so please don't try to simply saying that I didn't study as I have already studied for the whole morning!  Seriously hate that so much!!!  Monday we have consultation, but I haven't done the DFD structure; Tuesday we have data structure, I know you good in programming and you don't have to study for that, I'm sorry because I have to study on that! I'm sucks in programming.  Wednesday, we have security mid-term.  I know you are better than me, so don't put your condition into mine please.

I'm sucks in everything and I need to do something to make them better but not making them worst!

I know you didn't mean it.  I know you mentioned them with jokes, but that doesn't sound funny for me.  It hurts and irritates me.  I have my own plan, I always do.  I hate to spoil and ruin my plan, so don't give me things last minute.  

It has been so many years, you never said in that way, even you did, I always said 'never mind, just a joke', thinking that deep in my heart although I don't feel that's funny at all. 

I know this will offend someone, but I still have to complain.  I must complain... Because this time I really do hate about this.  Seriously hate it.

p/s: cried loudly deep in my heart, why still don't understand me?