Sunday, July 28, 2013

My Stumbling Block

Hey readers especially my friends, do you realize I have been down for sometimes?  I bet very few of you know because I don't really tell and even if I say this out I don't think people will listen too!  That's why sometimes I prefer to hide it to myself and think or solve it myself.  (even if I tell I don't know why I just don't have the guts to tell the person him/herself but instead of telling the third person...)

I am not sure whether any of you are reading this, but I gonna throw out everything today.  I can't afford to keep this anymore or else I gonna expose and started to be demotivated.
It has been awhile since I realize this problem but I never bring this out because I think they (my colleagues) are not familiar with me yet cause I still consider as their 'new friend'.  It is true and I admit that I don't really mix around with friends when first really meet cause I want to observe to know them better before getting closer.  So they were saying I getting crazier after few months working.  

There are three of them, A, B and C.  I bet some of you might know this as in who they are and how they look like if you stalked me often.  LoL!  Let me emphasize on their strength first.  They are unlike other sales position in this field but they are good in doing team working as in they can share sales among each other to help up each other if one of them facing fore-short.  I am touched seriously when I saw this situation, you really can't get this from other company or colleagues.  I mean you can find one la but I think this is rare.  So I'm proud to have them sometimes.

I am fine with everything one, cause I am happy if I can please someone.  In other words, I can be satisfied easily.  I never really bother it because I just pretend that's nothing until one day I explode.  I didn't really shout at them or scold them but I show my little temper towards them like sad face for like the whole morning.  It was during an exhibition.  The exhibition started at 11am, so I supposed that everyone of us should be there at least 11am.  (I'm not the leader or boss of them, so I got no right or power of telling them to be punctual.)  So one day I was there at 11am sharp, then nobody is there and I have to prepare and set up everything alone.  I really felt annoyed already.  There were supposed to be 5 of us there.  One got emergency leave so she couldn't come and then another 2 were saying they got to go to meet customer then fine lo.  The problem is since they are meeting customer why the hell they can still talking about what to eat and hungry about in wechat?  (I went yoga that morning till 9.30am but I still manage to reach at the exhibition at 11.30am, I'm late also I know. )  And then one of them was talking in the apps asking where am I, is it do yoga till fainted.  I was busying with the preparation and set up so I don't even have time to answer them or reply them.  Then finally I replied saying that I don't have time for the replies because I'm here alone.  Then one of them said, wah throw temper la...  
Seriously la, I don't know what is throw temper... all I know was I just complain with jokes.  I tell you la I swear if one of them came earlier to the booth and set up everything alone and then say the same thing they will definitely give different replies!  

And then in the last training session.  A wasn't able to go for the training because sick.  So B, C and I went first.  Telling the truth, when A wasn't around, the way B and C treated me is totally different.  I know A has the higher position among all of us and A has the most experience than us, but still you don't have to ignore my existence once A joined to the training after few days.  If in that case I rather they ignore me at the first place so at least I can adapt to the environment earlier.  Don't think that I got no feelings, I just hide my feelings most of the time instead of telling my feeling because I don't want to demotivate any of us.  I understand motivation is the most important thing in doing sales so I don't want to ruin their mood.  (I'm not trying to say that I'm very influencing la just maybe I care and think too much of many aspects. )

Sometimes I will have the feeling of getting off among them as in stay aside silently so they could enjoy more because I have the feeling that I'm only the extra one, without me they can have even better move on and working space.  I know I'm not important to them that's why they can fully ignore me and just throw me to stand alone at a side.  And I have to pretend to be strong and find my own way to survive.  Sounds pity huh?  I don't know what to do except for this.

Every time whatever I say they will think my intention is all bad one, but they will never know actually I don't have the meaning of bad intention, all I do is I learnt from them!  Too bad to them, everything they do are right but everything I do are wrong.  Everytime they scolded me or giving lesson to me, I will just keep quiet and listen but they will think I wasn't listening.  Sigh, I don't like to explain much so I usually just let them be.

The worst come to worst I resign, but I know in this case I will never learn how to handle all this stuff and will face the same problem when I start to work in another company.  I choose to stay and find the best way and the way that suits me to solve this.  
Gonna be strong mentally!

ps: I'm so sorry for the long complaining post.  

1 comment:

  1. No wonder u say u no comment about them. Anythings can tell me even as above, include negative thought. Its your freedom to speak after working hours.